how to help someone mourning
how to help someone who is grieving
Helping someone to come to terms with, and cope with, the loss of a loved one, is something we are not always well equipped to deal with. The following gives some advice on how to offer practical and emotional support at this traumatic time.
In Western culture, death is difficult topic to talk about. Death is not a subject people want to talk about. As a result, when death does come into our lives many of us do not know what to do and say to help someone who has lost a loved one.
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In the Victorian age, relatives wore black for up to a year, followed by a black armband, not just as a mark of respect, but so that society knew they were grieving and so avoided social embarrassment.
These days we have no social codes which govern how to behave when someone dies and as a result people can feel uncomfortable around those who are mourning.
My advice to anyone who is at a loss as to how to help someone who is grieving is don"t, whatever you do, avoid them. Don"t isolate them in their grief. Even if you don"t know what to say you can help in the initial grieving stage by offering to do practical things. Shopping and help with household chores is a way of showing you are there for them.
People who are grieving need love and support. They are living with the reality of their loss twenty four hours a day and this is all they may think about in the early stages. Crossing the road to avoid them is only going to add to their feeling of isolation. If you cant think of anything to say, a hug can speak volumes.
Don"t pretend that nothing has happened. People who have never lost a close loved one, might believe it is best to change the subject when the name of the person who has died is brought up in conversation. The bereaved person has just lost someone who was a large part of their life and talking about them is a way of keeping the memory alive. You cant airbrush a person out of your life just because they are dead.
In the first few weeks following a loss, the bereaved person may not be ready for long talks about what they are going through, as becoming withdrawn and quiet is normal after the initial shock has worn off. Try to avoid cliches such as "time will heal". In all honesty, this means nothing when you are facing a bleak future without that person. The sad fact is we feel uncomfortable around other peoples pain and distress and it is human nature to avoid this. Platitudes can feel dismissive and belittle the emotions that the person is going through.